Sex and Anxiety

If you have some anxiety surrounding sex - whether it's how you are in bed or if you want to be in bed at all - that is a normal, valid feeling. 

A lot of the rhetoric around positive sexual experiences preaches that we should be confident in our sexuality. And while that’s great, having sexual confidence is often easier said than done. So if you have some anxiety surrounding sex—whether it’s how you are in bed or if you want to be in bed at all—that’s normal. 

Sex is both very simple and very complicated. And it’s ok if your feelings match that nuance.

We’ve compiled a short summary of different causes of sexual anxiety and have some suggestions on how to combat these anxieties.  

Performance Anxiety

Pre-show jitters are more common than you think. 

Performance anxiety often stems from unrealistic expectations and standards. TV and film, especially adult entertainment, have helped to warp what people think good sex looks like or how a sexual encounter should go. Unfortunately, most people don’t have a mental switch they can flip. Just because you’re in the mood doesn’t mean you suddenly feel confident in your body or ability. 

It’s important to remember that sex is a skill. You don’t have to be perfect at it the first time, the fifth time, or ever. You’ll have off-days, and you’ll have days where you’re at the top of your game. You can’t be perfect all the time. 

And what is perfect anyway? The so-called “perfect” sexual experience is subjective. What matters is that you and your partner are having safe and consensual fun. It matters if you’re doing what you like, not doing what you think you’re supposed to like. 

Generalized Anxiety

Plain ole anxiety can also have a profound effect on your sex life. When your mood is low, or you’re feeling stressed, that can take a toll on you mentally. And even though it’s in your head, it’s not just something you’re imagining. The chemistry of the human brain can be fickle, and if it’s off, it’s bound to affect all areas of your mental real estate. Moreover, your sexuality isn’t an isolated part of your mind and body. It is ingrained in you. So if you’re experiencing anxiety about something, or anxiety in general, it can bleed into other parts of your life. 

According to PubMed,

“Pathological anxiety and chronic stress lead to structural degeneration and impaired functioning of the hippocampus and the PFC, which may account for the increased risk of developing neuropsychiatric disorders, including depression and dementia.” 

Seeking help from your primary healthcare provider is the best place to start. Anxiety can be treated through psychotherapy, pharmacologically, or a combination of the two. A healthcare provider will have a better idea about the best course of action. 

Shame

Sex can awaken a lot of mental blocks. Maybe you struggle with body image, or maybe you grew up in a sexually repressed environment. 

How you feel in your body plays a huge role in your ability to enjoy sex. When we don’t want to be perceived, it can be challenging to connect with other people. Sex is an emotional act, but it’s also physical. And feeling disconnected from your physical body is sure to influence your connection to your body. 

Learning to love your body is a long journey, but it is so rewarding. 

If you have lingering shame about your sexuality from how you grew up, it’s normal to have complicated feelings about sex. It would be nice if the embarrassment we learned at a young age just faded as we got older; unfortunately, it tends to linger. Not learning to see sex as normal can damage the adult psyche and make it hard to see sex as good or even neutral. 

What children learn about their body and bodily autonomy, gender, and sexual orientation sticks with them. Maybe you were taught as a child that only men and women could marry. Perhaps you were told as a teenager that masturbation is wrong. When you experience that kind of shaming and are programmed with beliefs that directly contradict everything we know about normal human sexuality, it can be hard to overcome that. 

Unpacking your feelings of shame is a daunting task, but it’s a task many have already undertaken. There are books and podcasts on the subject, so you’re not starting from square one. 

There’s a whole subsection of therapy dedicated to sexuality: sex therapy. These licensed professionals provide holistic mental health care to help individuals and couples address medical, psychological, personal, or interpersonal factors impacting sexual satisfaction.

Avoidance

In this context, we don’t mean asexual people, voluntarily celibate people, or those who are happily single. However, if you find that you’re avoiding sex because you have no interest in sex, it’s worth considering if you might be asexual. To be asexual is simply not to experience feelings of sexual desire. It does not necessarily correlate to a desire for emotional or physical intimacy. 

But if you’re not someone who doesn’t care about sex, and you’re someone who is actively avoiding it, what could be causing that?

Sexual Aversion Disorder refers to people who have a phobia of sexual contact. It can range from a disdain for sexual intimacy to an outright disgust of genitalia, both other people’s and your own. This is usually classified as an anxiety disorder rather than a sexual disorder. However, those with Sexual Aversion Disorder might have experienced sexual-related trauma earlier in their lives, making it hard for them to enjoy sex. 

If you have experienced major sexual trauma in your life, the best course of action is likely to attend therapy, especially for someone with specialized training in sexual trauma. A therapist will be your best starting place towards healing your relationship with sex. 

But not all sexual avoidance comes from trauma. For example, some people choose to avoid sex out of fear of pregnancy or contracting an STI. While these are valid concerns, if they keep you from living the life you want to live, they might be worth addressing. Odds are, these fears exist separately from a fear of sex. Fears of STIs or pregnancy are their own issues that deserve individualized attention. 

Warnings about contracting an STI or becoming pregnant because of sex are often emotional manipulation tactics to influence your sexual autonomy. Sex goes from being a neutral act to a dangerous one with potentially extreme consequences. Unpacking how you see sex will help you realize that sex isn’t an act that deserves punishment. 

Tips For Combating Sex Anxiety

The time to tackle this is not right before—or during—the act. That can put even more pressure on yourself or your partner to perform. 

If your sexual anxiety stems from other deep-rooted anxieties, those need to be critically addressed. While we hope you find this blog post helpful, this is not a replacement for therapy. If you need professional help sorting out your anxiety, we strongly encourage you to take charge of your sexual anxiety. 

Giving yourself permission to be nervous can also help your overall anxiety. Sex is a wonderful thing, but it is also deeply personal. Sexual encounters mean inviting someone into what is typically a very private part of yourself, both physically and mentally. Fear of rejection or judgment is normal, and it's valid to want to protect that part of yourself. Honor your hesitation because therein lies your self-respect. 

The trouble comes from being too protective of ourselves. While you can mitigate every potential embarrassment or awkward situation, in doing so, you might deny yourself wonderful experiences. So instead, understand where your anxiety comes from, prioritize your mental health, and permit yourself to have awkward, “cringey” moments. It’s from those moments that we grow. Or, at the very least, how we learn that our anxieties aren’t so scary after all.

Cervical Health

January is National Cervical Cancer Awareness Month and the perfect time to learn about cervical health and screenings!

During the 1800s in western Europe, cervical cancer was one of the most common forms of cancer found in women and one of the leading causes of death in European countries. In the mid-1940s, Dr. Georgios Nikolaou Papanikolaou’s ‘Pap smear’ cancer screening method was practiced in the U.S. and later became equally popular in the U.K. In the late 1970s, screeners were able to detect Human Papillomavirus (HPV) in patients with cervical cancers, identify significant types of HPV that cause cervical cancer, and develop vaccines to prevent those forms of HPV.

The primary objective for Cervical Cancer Awareness Month is to reduce cervical cancer through early screening and treatment. Nearly 14,000 women are diagnosed with cervical cancer each year, according to the American Cancer Society, however, that number is rapidly decreasing thanks to vaccination, proactive screening, and cervical cancer awareness. 

Cervical Cancer Facts 

Cervical cancer is a type of cancer that occurs in the cells of the cervix. Anyone with a cervix can get cervical cancer, regardless of gender identity. Cervical cancer begins when healthy cells in the cervix develop mutations in their DNA. The abnormal cells grow and multiply out of control, causing a mass (tumor). It isn't clear what causes cervical cancer, but HPV certainly plays a major role. Human Papillomavirus (HPV), a sexually transmitted infection, is harmless in most cases and often goes away on its own — but high-risk HPV can lead to cervical cancer. In addition to HPV, other factors — such as your environment or your lifestyle choices — also determine whether you'll develop cervical cancer. These risk factors can include: high-risk sexual activity,  smoking cigarettes, extended use of birth control pills (five or more years), HIV infection, or a weakened immune system.

Early-stage cervical cancer generally produces no signs or symptoms, but symptoms can develop once cervical cancer has advanced. Cervical cancer symptoms include abnormal vaginal bleeding, heavy discharge, pain while urinating, pelvic pain, or pain during intercourse. 

Despite being the fourth most common type of cancer for women worldwide, cervical cancer is also one of the most preventable types of cancer. Roughly 93% of cervical cancer cases are avoidable with proper screening and an HPV vaccination, according to the CDC. In addition, with early detection, the five-year survival rate for cervical cancer is 92%.

Prevention

To reduce your risk of cervical cancer:

• Ask your doctor about the HPV vaccine. Receiving a vaccination to prevent HPV infection may reduce your risk of cervical cancer and other HPV-related cancers. The HPV vaccine protects against the types of HPV that most often cause cervical cancers. HPV can also cause different kinds of cancer in both men and women.  HPV vaccination prevents new HPV infections but does not treat existing infections or diseases. So, the HPV vaccine works best when given before exposure to HPV.

• Have routine Pap tests. Pap tests can detect precancerous conditions of the cervix to be monitored or treated to prevent cervical cancer. Most medical organizations suggest beginning regular Pap tests at age 21 and repeating them every few years. For ages 30–64, combined Pap and HPV tests and more frequent screenings for those at higher risk.

• Practice safe sex. Reduce your risk of cervical cancer by taking measures to prevent sexually transmitted infections, such as using a condom every time. Condoms lower the risk of HPV transmission if used correctly every time you have sex. However, HPV can infect areas not covered by a condom. Also, limiting the number of sexual partners you have can reduce your risk. 

• Don't smoke. If you don't smoke, don't start. If you do smoke, talk to your doctor about strategies to help you quit.

Ways To Support Cervical Health Month

The good news is that most women can survive cervical cancer if it is detected early enough. Here are some ways to help spread the word about cervical cancer prevention this January.

Gather facts about cervical cancer

Gather facts and statistics about cervical cancer from the local health departments of your area. Note down the most relevant information, make copies of the data and distribute it in your neighborhood.

Organize a cervical screening

Ask your local healthcare providers to help set up a cervical screening camp in your school, neighborhood, or organization. Make banners and flyers for the event and distribute them in your area. In addition, ask your friends and colleagues to spread the information about the screening by talking about it on social media.

Participate in online events

Various online events and live sessions are held throughout January to educate people about cervical cancer and HPV. Try attending at least one event during Cervical Health Awareness Month. 

Leverage social media to spread awareness. 

Use social media to spread awareness of cervical cancer treatment and that prevention is fast, easy, and effective. For example, consider changing your profile picture to a Cervical Cancer Awareness Month graphic or photo, or share photos of yourself wearing a teal and white ribbon with a link for friends and family to find more information.

Donate to your local or national cancer research organization. 

Research and find an organization you enjoy and can support with your donation. Depending on which organization you support, your contribution can help provide screenings, access to the necessary prescription drugs, or more research for future cervical cancer patients. The Foundation for Women’s Cancer, the American Cancer Society, and the City of Hope Cancer and Aging Research Program are all organizations that deserve financial support.

Wear Teal

Teal is the international color for cervical cancer. Wearing a teal ribbon - or teal clothes - is an easy way to show your support for those who are fighting cervical cancer. Pick out your favorite teal outfit and encourage your friends and family to do the same. 

Dr. Skin at Lion's Den

Explore the best realistic dildos and enjoy 20% OFF in January!

So you want the look and feel of the real thing, but with a little something extra. Dr. Skin, a line by Blush Novelties, designs top-of-the-line, hyperrealistic products. You can have your choice of sizes, shapes, functions, and skin tones. There is something for everybody, made with safe and comfortable materials (and most importantly, fun!) for every body. Dr. Skin’s products are all made with non-toxic, non-porous material, so they’re easy to clean and will last you a long time with proper care. 

Classic Dildo

Any oldie but goodie, you can’t go wrong with a classic dildo. Dr. Skin’s specialty is realistic style dildos, so if that’s what you’ve been searching for, your search has ended. 

But now that you have a dildo, the next most important thing you need—and possibly a more important thing—is lube. That’s what makes the Dr. Skin Glide - 7.5 inch Self Lubricating Dildo so exciting. All you have to do is get it wet to get things going. The Dr. Skin Glide is designed with a sturdy suction cup base that will hold on to any flat surface you want. It also is harness compatible, so you’ve got plenty of options. 

Vibrating Dildo

The best part about dildos is that we can take the best part, or parts, and elevate them with some extra features and functions. For example, if you want a dildo that’s also a vibrator, we recommend the Dr. Skin - Dr. Joe 8" Vibrating Realistic Dong. This remote-controlled dildo comes with adjustable speed and power settings so you can find your ideal rhythm. In addition, it’s designed with a suction cup base for hands-free play. It’s also harness compatible so that you can use it by yourself or with a friend. 

Strap On

Dr. Skin has options for anyone and any activity. If you’re interested in buying a realistic strap-on, the Dr. Skin - 6" Hollow Strap On is a great option. It’s hollow on the inside to accommodate a penis, but any gender can use it. It’s made of soft material for a lifelike feel, complete with veins. The strap-on comes with a harness designed with a stretchy waistband to accommodate hips up to 40 inches.

Double Dildo

And if you want something with a little more real estate, Dr. Skin’s got you covered. Made of soft, flexible non-porous plastic, you can be sure that it’s the good stuff. Their double-ended dildos are great for deep penetration. We recommend the Dr. Skin - 16 Inch Double Dildo. It’s the perfect exploratory toy, either just for you or yourself and a friend. There are several ways you can mix and match activities with this toy. 

Whatever you’re looking for, Dr. Skin is bound to have something that will satisfy you or your partner’s needs. 

Snag 20% OFF all Dr. Skin products in-store and online during January 2022.

Love Your Body

A healthier body starts with loving your body exactly as it is.

We’re just entering 2022, and there is still plenty of time to set a goal or intention or make a plan for the goal that you have in mind. If you’ve decided to make your New Year’s Resolution improve your relationship with yourself and your body, but aren’t sure where to start, we’ve put together some tips and practices on how to cultivate a healthier body image. 

Exposure Therapy

We mean this literally. Spend time with yourself naked! 

And while we encourage all manner of sexy activities, try spending some time in the nude just because. 

In the digital age we live in, we’ve lost touch with what the human body naturally looks like. When we see people on screens, they’ve likely had the benefit of stylists, estheticians, and photoshop. They’re human, but not humans in their natural form. We don’t spend enough time looking at real humans, or ourselves. 

Spending more time naked gives you time to familiarize yourself with your body, and human bodies in general. Walk around your house naked, eat lunch naked, lie in bed naked. . . whatever you want. 

And when you’re ready to take your visual relationship a little further, try doing some mirror work. No, this isn’t witchcraft, but the results can be magical. All you have to do is spend time in front of a mirror, preferably naked but this isn’t a requirement. And then, just sit. Focus on studying yourself. 

If you feel uneasy ogling yourself in the mirror, don’t feel bad. It’s normal. Despite living in our bodies, we don’t spend much time actually seeing ourselves. Start out with 5 minutes a day, and go from there. Proceed as much as you’re comfortable, but don’t be afraid to push yourself a little bit. If you can get past your mental discomfort, a better relationship with your body waits on the other side. 

Practice Mindfulness

When you notice yourself starting to engage in negative self-talk, try reframing your inner narrative. Instead of just evaluating your body based off how it looks, focus on practicing gratitude for what our body does provide you with. 

Your body is not the enemy, and it’s not supposed to be exclusively ornamental. Learn to appreciate your body as a tool that allows you to interact with the world. The senses, mobility, and cognitive thought are all facilitated by the human body, and we think that’s pretty cool. 

You don’t always have to feel beautiful or hot or amazing. That’s normal. Cultivating body neutrality is often an easier goal to work toward. The guiding principle of body neutrality is viewing the body as a tool and learning to see that so-called imperfections of the body are totally normal. 

Wear clothes that feel good to you and that look good to you now. Life is short, much too short to obsess over a pre-Covid pair of jeans. Buy yourself a new pair, or several, that fit and flatter the body you currently have. Quit putting off wearing the clothes you really like. Dressing the way you want will help cultivate a better relationship with your body, because you’re making your brain see your current body as something that deserves to be adorned in clothes that make you feel your best. 

Find the things that make you feel your best physically, spiritually, emotionally, and sexually. Do things that make you feel good, not just mentally but physically. Indulge in your body and the sensorial experience of having one. 

Get Physical

You do not have to become the fittest person ever to have a good working relationship with your body. Saying that, spending time improving your flexibility and mobility will make living in your body more comfortable. This is only about using your body as a tool of feeling good, not looking good. 

Moving your body in a joyful way is one of the great pleasures of life. Movement should be fun. Whether it’s going on a walk, dancing, yoga, or powerlifting doesn’t matter. It should be something you enjoy and that makes you feel good. The best daily movement is the movement that you genuinely enjoy. Putting yourself on a grueling workout regime rarely works and even more rarely does anything to repair a challenging relationship with your body. Instead of treating exercise like a punishment, find a way to make it fun. 

Play, which is children’s main form of exercise, is oriented around physical and emotional joy. There is no reason you can’t recreate this feeling in adulthood. You deserve to have fun and happiness in your body at all ages. 

And of course, hitting your sexual stride will help change your relationship with your body. As humans are sexual beings, it’s our bodies that facilitate most of these experiences. What we touch and taste and see matters to our sexual pleasure as human beings. Spend some extra time learning what really makes your body feel alive. 

Slow Down

Finally, give yourself permission to have an imperfect relationship with your own body. What if instead of looking at your perceived hang-ups and shortcomings as failures, you  learned to see them as stepping stones toward the place you really want to be. Loving your body is a practice, not an activity. It’s going to take a while to develop those mental and spiritual muscles to make peace with yourself, and that’s ok. 

If you start repairing your relationship with your body now, imagine how different it might be next New Year. 

Warming Up Winter

The winter weather may be frightful, but you can make staying inside delightful.

It’s that time of year when the days are colder and shorter. . . but the upside is that the nights are longer. With all the time you’ll be spending inside, you’ll need something to do on a cold winter’s night - and something to keep you warm.

There are plenty of ways to warm up with a partner or by yourself. Nothing takes the chill out of your bones like a hot and steamy shower—or bath. Outside of the bedroom, the bathroom is one of the sexiest rooms in your house. It’s easy to sneak a quickie in once you’ve got the water running and the door locked. We’ve got a full blog post here breaking down how you can make the most of your bath/shower routine, along with tools and tips. 

Cozying up by candlelight is another favorite for a reason. Now that it gets dark in the afternoon, you’ll need a sun substitute. Instead of just flipping a switch it’s nice to incorporate mood lighting. Instead of electric overhead light, candles provide a natural, comforting glow. 

If you’re looking for mood lighting that actually works and puts you, and your partner, in the mood, try one of our massage candles. We like this scented massage candle (this one comes in a rose scent) or this one (it tastes like strawberry). Just make sure you blow the candle before you use it!

The dark nights and freezing temperatures force us to put on our coziest attire to stay warm. We have a few other suggestions on how to bring the heat, and they don’t involve flannel. 

We’ve compiled our best recommendations to really warm things up. 

A vibrator with a warming feature is great at all times of the year, not just during the winter season. It can help things get extra relaxed down there. We like the Adonis Ribbed Warming Rabbit Vibrator. It’s a rabbit-style vibrator, which is a favorite style for many. It strokes all the hot spots inside and out. 

If you’re looking for something with a little more targeting capabilities, the Sway Dual Vibration Warming Massager by Lora DiCarlo might be the way to go. This warming vibrator can be used to directly stimulate the g-spot, p-spot, and clit. Combined with its exciting warming feature, this is certain to heat up your January. 

If you’re feeling a bit chilly, or you want to get something nice for your partner, look no further than the HotRod Warming Vibrating Masturbator. It’s sleekly designed and comes with 10 vibration patterns and 6 levels of intensity. And if you get a bit chilly, activate the warming function button for an extra kick. 

But if you’ve only got room for one more item on your wish list, make sure it’s lube. Lube is the gift that keeps on giving, no matter who is using it. Not only does lube make things go more smoothly, but some also include exciting functions like warming features. Honey Buns Warming Gel not only provides all the warm and fuzzy feelings you could ask for, but it also comes with a sweet honey flavor. 

While the weather is frightful, you can bring the heat with all of these warming products to make your evening a bit more delightful.

New Year, New Be You

In a world that constantly encourages you to change, it's bold to be yourself.

Most New Year’s resolutions involve changing something about yourself, taking something away, or adding something else. And change is great if that’s what you want, but we’d like to encourage you to embrace yourself in 2022. 

Learning to love yourself—to really learn who you are and how to love all the parts of you that feel hard to embrace—is the best New Year’s resolution we can think of. 

And what makes a resolution? It’s defined as a firm decision to do something. And determining to love and accept yourself as you are is a conscious choice. Self-love, self-assuredness, and confidence don’t just happen. It’s a learned practice you have to work toward every day. And it is so worth it. 

The best part about being yourself is that there’s no one else who could do it. You are the only you and that’s pretty special. Welcome your quirks, the unique features of your personality. 

If you’ve got something you’re into or something you have always wanted to explore, we’ve got something to help. Exploring your sexuality is a great way to explore yourself. You like what you like, and you deserve the freedom to indulge in the things that make you feel happy and fulfilled. And if you haven’t discovered what does it for you yet, that’s part of the fun. 

You have to live in your body, in your head for your whole life. While you’re here, let’s find ways that make you feel alive. It’s important to find things that make your life feel like you’re living your life to the fullest: spiritually, physically, emotionally, sexually. 

This New Year, focus on finding and falling in love with who you are.

It’s a new year—be you. 

Happy New Year from your friends at Lion’s Den.

What Your Favorite Christmas Cookie

Says About Your Sex Life

Sugar and Spice and Everything... naughty.

We’ve all heard the saying “you are what you eat.” We’d argue that your preferences in one area might have something to say about your preferences in another area of your life. We’ve analyzed some classic Christmas cookies and here’s what we think your holiday favorite says about your sex life.

Gingerbread Person

If spicy little edible men or women are your favorite cookies, you’re probably a little spicy yourself. Vanilla is part of your flavor palette, but it’s certainly not your dominant flavor. You’ve certainly got a feral side you like to let loose every now and again. 

Sugar Cookies

You know what you like. You’ve got a good understanding of your preferences, and are able to easily gauge what it is your partner enjoys as well. You’ve got an underlying sweetness, and we’re willing to bet that you prefer the classics in bed, too. 

Chocolate Chip Cookies

You’re a reliable and considerate lover. While you’re in touch with your own sexuality, you’re easily able to intuit the needs of your partner. You’re here for a good time and a long time (with the right person). 

Macarons

You put effort and precision into everything you do. You’re a planner, and you like to study the body and all of its glorious ticks. Delayed gratification is your main motivator. For you, it’s about the journey and not the destination. We respect your passion for the process. 

Chocolate Crinkle Cookies

You’re a little bit of a show-off. You like to go all out in the kitchen and in the bedroom. You’re not afraid to treat yourself or your partner with expensive toys, and you’re willing to try almost anything. You’ve got a kink or two (or several), and are always open to acquiring more. 

Thumbprint Cookies

You’re old-fashioned, but not afraid to mix things up and include an unexpected but welcome element to your activities. You know how to balance the conventional with the surprising, and how to keep things fresh and exciting. 

Meringues

You’re wild. You’re not easily intimidated and willing to try anything once. You spend a lot of time adding unique, innovative, and underrated to your sexual repertoire. Between you and your partner(s), you’re typically the instigator and always have something you know you’d like to try with them.

Sexy Christmas Songs

To help you jingle all the way through the holidays.

Whether you’re hosting a party or you just want something to put on for a cold winter’s night in with your partner, we’ve got some music recommendations. A good mix of contemporary hits and classics of some sexy Christmas music is sure to be a welcome addition to your holiday season. We’ve put together some suggestions to spread holiday cheer as loudly as quietly for all to hear as you prefer. 

“All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey

It’s a classic for a reason. “All I Want for Christmas” combines holiday cheer and longing into a genuinely fun, up-tempo bop. Sexy doesn’t always have to mean slow. It’s the rare high energy number, so if you want to inject a little liveliness into the evening it deserves a spot on your playlist.  

“Santa Baby” by Eartha Kitt

It’s had several covers at this point, but Eartha Kitt’s original still reigns supreme. Kitt’s iconic purr elevates “Santa baby” from a novelty Christmas song to a sensual, seasonal serenade. It’s a perfect addition to any playlist, be it for a grown-up party or a family get-together. It’s also a great choice for Christmas karaoke if you want to impress your guests/friends/inlaws without getting too out there. 

“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” performed by Dolly Parton

There’s an odd number of Christmas songs about seducing Santa Claus, but this is the only one where the seduction appears to have worked. And we can see why! While this song is always a bit tongue-in-cheek song, the sensuality fluctuates depending on the artist. If you’re looking for a soundtrack for trying to lure that special someone under the mistletoe, we recommend Dolly Parton’s iconic version. 

“Last Christmas” by Wham! Ft. George Michael

This year, we’d like to encourage you to lose Whammageddon. The song might be about a breakup, but we can all agree that it has the perfect makeup—or things are going well—vibes. It’s got a great beat if you want to dance. . . or do something else. 

“Something About December” by Christina Perri

A total underrated gem, “Something About December” could easily become you and your partner’s new fireside favorite. The sultry song is a relaxed departure from a lot of other holiday hits, focusing mostly on the warm glow of the season, the pleasure of spending time with the ones you love, and enjoying this magical time of year. 

“I’ve Got My Love to Keep Me Warm” by Frank Sinatra

Ol Blue Eyes’ enduring appeal is that he doesn’t just sound like he’s singing: he sounds like he’s singing to you. If you’re looking to create an intimate environment with a little holiday flare thrown in, “I’ve Got My Love to Keep Me Warm” deserves to be somewhere in the queue.  

“Let it Snow” Performed by Multiple Artists

There’s something so nice about the idea of being snowed in with a special someone. Even if you’re not getting a picturesque white Christmas this year, you can still recreate the feeling with your partner. “Let it Snow” is a popular holiday hit, so you’ve got plenty of versions to choose from. 

Editor's Choice: Boys II Men

Anything by Michael Bublé

Now if anything says “sexy” and “Christmas,” it’s Michael Bublé’s buttery voice. He’s become synonymous with Christmas music over the past decade (much like Nat King Cole or Dean Martin, who are also great choices across the board). If you need to pad the run-time of your Christmas playlist, just add his whole album and enjoy.

Yes, You Should Start Scheduling Sex

Prioritize pleasure in 2022 and beyond. 

Penciling “sex” onto your calendar might not sound like the sexiest thing in the world, but making it a standing appointment might actually boost your satisfaction with your partner and in the bedroom. 

And while variety is the spice of life, life has an annoying habit of derailing plans both spicy and mundane. If you’re a busy person and have several responsibilities to juggle throughout the week, it’s important to make time for yourself and for the people you care about. 

Antici. . . . pation

When it’s on your schedule, it’s a commitment. Schedules don’t always allow for spontaneity, so in a long-term relationship, sex can sometimes fall by the wayside. When it’s hypothetically always on the table, it can start to feel stale. But if it becomes a weekly special instead of a neglected item on the permanent menu, that helps give a little sparkle back to your sex lives. 

But if you’re not in a committed relationship, you can still benefit from scheduling sex. When it’s on your schedule, like a pilates class or that meeting with your boss, it becomes a regular part of life. You don’t have to find the time for sex because the time is already there. 

It’s all about building anticipation. You have something to look forward to, something you’ve got to wait for. There’s something to be said for delayed gratification. 

Quote modified from Dr. Kelly Casperson

Fertility Flux

As an added bonus of planning sex, it’s a helpful way for managing fertility. 

If you and your partner are trying to conceive, planning sex can increase your chances. You can monitor your body for ovulation, the 12-24 hour window when you’re most likely to conceive. Ovulation isn’t too difficult to track. It occurs roughly two weeks before your next menstrual cycle. If you can successfully track your period, you can hone in on when you’re ovulating and make sure you get some action during this peak time frame. 

And if you’re trying to avoid pregnancy this information is still super useful. If you know when you’re ovulating, you know when you should postpone your activities. 

Via tumblr.com

Health Benefits

If you struggle with a sexual dysfunction, having a heads-up can make all the difference. When you know you’re going to have sex, you can take any medication or do any other necessary prep work needed to have a good time. 

It’s also a boost to your mental health. Sexual satisfaction is good for the soul. In fact, regular sex/masturbation can help reduce depression and anxiety. Planned Parenthood explains that “sex and mental health share the same bed.” As humans are sexual as well as social creatures, the opportunity to connect with each other and ourselves sexually is very important for feelings of happiness and belonging. 

How to Plan

So you’ve decided you want to plan sex, but how do you do it?

Talk to your partner about what you want and see if they’re on board. Pitch it as something along the lines of wanting to have a regular appointment. You want to give them their own recurring spot on your schedule: just the two of you, no distractions. 

Should they agree, try planning it like you’d plan any other meeting. You can put it on your calendar, write yourself a note, whatever it is you do when you’ve got something coming up. You can also spice things up further by adding an itinerary to your meeting. This works especially well if there’s something you’ve both wanted to try but haven’t gotten around to. Now you have a coordinated block of time set aside where you can figure out all the ins and outs of whatever it is you want to try. 

Via gifer.com

If you’re just managing your own schedule, you’ve got a little more freedom. 

Of course, if you have roommates or family, finding time for yourself can also be a bit of a challenge. Consider taking on “you time” for when you’ll already be alone and need privacy, like before or after a shower or when you’re getting ready for bed. 

But no matter your situation, pick a time and stick to it. Honoring this item on your schedule the way you would honor any other commitment. Some flexibility in your scheduling is always welcome but consistency is key. 

Don’t fear the pressure; enjoy the anticipation.

Exploring Solo Sex

No one knows what you like better than you do. 

Whether or not you have a partner, it’s still nice to reconnect with yourself. Masturbation is one of the most fun and most satisfying ways to wind down and relax. Planned Parenthood explains the benefits of masturbation as improving your relationship with your body, improving your mental health through bringing yourself pleasure and a rush of endorphins, and that regular masturbation can reduce anxiety and stress. 

Solo sex is a healthy and valid expression of sexuality. 

The Importance of You Time

The best way to make time is to be direct. Let your family and friends, or anyone else in your life, know that you are busy between the times of X and Y. You do not have to specify what you need that time for—it’s your time. Then, you’re free to do whatever you want. 

Having boundaries is good, not just for you but for the other people in your life. It’s essential that you are able to have time to just be and not have to worry about others. When your schedule includes times to relax and refresh, you’ll be much better equipped emotionally for when you do have to be present with others. 

Spontaneity is great, but it’s not always accessible for everyone. If you live alone or with a roommate(s), it’s easier to be spontaneous. But if you live with your family, it might be easier to put some “me time” on your schedule. 

But if you have to be a little more sneaky, adding on time that’s already reserved for you might be a good time to get some self-love in. Times like your morning or evening routines are great for this type of thing. You’re already alone in the bathroom or bedroom. What’re a few more minutes? 

Positions for Solo Pleasure

The art of self-pleasure can be enhanced with a number of techniques. You’re not stuck with a single option when you’re with a partner, or riding solo, so feel free to get creative with positioning to find what feels best for you.

On your back is a classic for a reason. You can modify it by propping yourself up or by propping up your legs or hips. In this position, it’s easy to reach anything you might want access to. 

For some extra spice, you could try straddling your bed or another piece of furniture (think cowboy/girl style). This position engages your pelvic floor muscles and other groups, leading to a different but memorable experience. 

And of course, you can always take it a little further and get down on your hands/elbows into a sort of doggy-style position. 

Techniques to Try

Now that you’ve figured out some positions you’d like to try, it’s time to explore some techniques. Depending on the position you’re in, you should be able to easily caress yourself. Play with sensations. Try something simple like lightly trailing your fingers across your skin or pause to give yourself a squeeze. 

You’ve activated your tactile senses and imagination, but why not incorporate visual stimulation. Including a mirror of any size allows you to enjoy not only the physical pleasure of what you’re doing but also visual pleasure. Utilize the mirror with intention. Instead of just focusing on stimulation, allow yourself to indulge in the visuals. Entertain yourself. 

If you want to try a potent way to prolong and intensify your pleasure, try edging. It’s exactly what it sounds like: you bring yourself to the edge of orgasm, slow down, then do it again. It allows you to prolong your pleasure and build to a more intense orgasm. We’ve got a post here breaking down more tips, tricks, and tools if you'd like to learn more.  

Tools to Try

If you use nothing else, use lube. Lube is the easiest way to guarantee to increase your pleasure and your chance of orgasm. It is the unsung hero of pleasure. And although lube has the (very unfair) reputation of being boring, it’s an easy way to spice things up. Some lube comes with unique features, like providing warming or cooling or tingling sensations. For example, the K-Y Warming Liquid and the Skins Excite Tingling Lube can easily spice things up. 

The tools you were born with (your hands) are great for some self-exploration, but sometimes you want something with a little more oomph. For example, incorporating a sex toy can enhance the fun you’re already having. 

The Satisfyer Dual Pleasure Vibrator directly stimulates the clit while indirectly stimulating the g-spot. It’s ergonomic, making it easy to use for solo players, and comes with customizable vibration options so you can have exactly what you want. 

A vibrating c-ring can also add a whole host of new and exciting sensations to your session. We recommend something like the Renegade Explorer Ring that can be used by yourself or with a partner at another time. 

Take some “me time” this holiday season and start 2022 with a new habit of investing in you and your sexual health.