Don't Let ED Put a Damper on Your Fun: Understanding Erectile Dysfunction

We live in a phallic-centered society. The penis is put on a pedestal and on that pedestal, there is a lot of pressure on how the penis should perform: meaning, rock solid and hard whenever it’s time for sexy time, but that expectation is a little unrealistic. Erectile dysfunction is a reality for a lot of people, but it doesn’t have to mean that sexual activity can’t happen. Sex is a broad thing and broadening that definition allows people to still experience sexual pleasure while living with erectile dysfunction. 

Erectile dysfunction is continued experiences of struggling to get or maintain an erection so that one can engage in sexual activity. Despite a common narrative being that erectile dysfunction happens because of mental or psychological things, studies have shown that erectile dysfunction typically stems from physical problems. The most common physical problem relates to the flow of blood to the penis. Another important point when talking about erectile dysfunction is that it is very common. It is expected that half of people with penises between the ages of 40 and 70 will experience erectile dysfunction to some degree.

Understanding what erectile dysfunction is gives a starting point for broadening your definition of sex. In our society, sex is largely believed to be a penetrative act and in our phallic-centric society, it is the penis penetrating. But what about all the other ways that we can experience and engage in sexual pleasure? As you work to broaden your definition ask yourself some questions: does a penis have to be erect to experience pleasure? What are some sexual activities that I enjoy that are penetration? Do I find pleasure and stimulation in the ways in which I touch and please my partner? What can I add to sexual activity to enhance the experience? It may take time to broaden your definition if you are used to engaging in sex in a particular way, but after a while, you will have many different ways that you experience sexual pleasure.

If you want to experience pleasure it is a good idea to venture into new avenues. Some avenues of pleasure that don’t involve a penis or an erect penis include anal stimulation, kink & BDSM, and exploring erogenous zones. Anal stimulation is a great option for when you still want to engage in sexual activity but are experiencing erectile dysfunction. Anal stimulation is a popular option because it allows for prostate stimulation and the prostate is known to be a highly pleasurable part of the body. Kink & BDSM opens up so many avenues for experiencing pleasure that you might not have thought of before. Sensation play, temperature play, and impact play all have the potential for immense amounts of pleasure. You can also experiment with CBT (cock & ball torture) or chastity play to still involve the penis in sexual activity. The entire body is able to experience pleasure, so exploring all the erogenous zones is a great option. Gently caress or use a vibrator on the inner thighs, massage your arms and elbows, or tickle the bottoms of your feet. 

Whether you are just now beginning to experience erectile dysfunction or have for a while, there is no reason it has to put a damper on your sex life. Opening up your mind and body to the broad possibilities of sexual pleasure will allow you to still enjoy the fun of sex without your penis being at the center of all activities. If you have questions about erectile dysfunction or aren’t sure if that is what you are experiencing, you should talk to your medical provider.