Vital Checks in Relationships

Vitals aren't just for medical staff

Whether it’s still new or you’ve been together a while, it’s good to check in with your partner when you're in a relationship. This doesn’t just have to be about the health of your relationship—Check-in with them as your person, not just your partner. 

We recommend making a vitals check part of your regular routine. By vitals, we mean seeing how they’re doing mentally, emotionally, and physically. Use this time to be honest with each other and really open up about not just your stressors but also your bliss. Sometimes it feels easier to keep our emotions, good and bad, close to the chest. And while privacy is good, it’s also important to practice opening up with your partner. Facilitating openness and communication will only serve you better in the long run. 

Head

A mental health check is a great place to start. Ask them how they’ve felt this week. Ask if they’ve experienced any low points they want to talk about or if they have anything particularly wonderful they want to share. This is a time to let them exposit about whatever they need to verbalize. Sometimes, just talking about it, whatever it happens to be at the time, and having someone to listen to us is all we need to feel better. 

Heart

What’s made your partner feel loved this week? What did your partner do that made you feel loved this week?

Like a stone statue, even the strongest relationships can be weathered down over time. Some preservation is mandatory for your romantic health. Keep track of what your partner needs to feel loved and appreciated, and let them know what makes you feel loved. 

These answers are given to change over time, so that’s why it’s important to check in regularly and keep your records up to date. 

Body

Sexuality comes naturally for many people, but an intimate knowledge of what does and doesn’t work for our partner is typically something you learn through trial, error, or just plain asking what works. And it’s good to talk about your sex life in a neutral way, separate from when you’re actually in the midst of it.

Of course, this conversation could be separate from your vitals check, but if you’re in a sexual and emotional relationship with someone(s), why bisect it between sex and emotionality? So instead, work on building confidence by discussing your preferences, fantasies, likes, and, arguably, more importantly, your dislikes with your partner with a straight face while the sun is out. 

Don’t wait until you hit a rough patch to bring up sex. If you’re happy, that positive feedback is so important. But if you feel like you need “more” or “less,” be specific in explaining what you need from them. You’re the only accurate source of information on you that they have, so be upfront. 

For all check-ins, we recommend prefacing them by asking: Do you want advice, or do you just want to talk about it? Sometimes, we just need a space to vent. Other times, you need an ally to help you unpack what you’re going through and find strategies to work through it. 

Likewise, make sure that when you have your vitals check, it’s during a time you can both be emotionally present with one another. If you feel overwhelmed and counseling someone will only add to your stress, hold off. This time should be productive, not adding to any negativity you’re already combatting. 

For that reason, it could be helpful to make your vitals checks a regularly scheduled occurrence. Few things trigger as much anxiety as getting a context-free “We need to talk” text in the middle of the day. Let your partner know that you want to check in with them about their mental and physical health and when you’d like to have this conversation, so you both come prepared.

Now, go check your partner's vitals and watch your communication improve. For more tips, visit us on social media.