How to Explore Your Sexuality With a Partner

Explore new things that make you feel alive and connected to your partner.

Building your sexual repertoire can be intimidating, like stepping outside your comfort zone. However, our interests and desires can transform over time. By keeping in touch with your partner’s most up-to-date interests and giving your partner updates on what’s working and maybe what’s not, you can enjoy a more fulfilling sex life.

Add to Your Routine

While becoming sexually stale is a common concern about long-term relationships, having a partner you trust has the potential to lead to a more vibrant sex life. For the big things, the challenging stuff that requires prep work and homework, trust is often the most important component. And ideally, your partner should be the person you have the strongest foundation of trust with. 

Falling into a routine of the same old thing is a common concern for couples, but a routine doesn’t have to be boring. In fact, prioritizing regular sex has the potential to be a great foundation for a fulfilling and ongoing sex life. Your routine should be used to establish regular sex and other logistical needs. It does not have to dictate your activities. 

Try New Things

You can work your way through your sexual bucket list (and we really recommend that you have one) by incorporating it into your regular schedule. You could try alternating each other’s picks or choosing something together. What matters is that it’s something you both feel comfortable trying with each other and that you’re able to enjoy your time together. 

Don’t wait until you’re about to have sex to bring up what you want to try or want to skip. You’re free to discuss at any time, so take advantage of that. Some things require a little prep work, so you’ll need to plan ahead anyway. And for other things, your partner might want some time to mull over your request. Being open about what you want to try and giving your partner’s interests a chance helps keep things fresh and makes everyone involved feel valued. 

Don't Compare Yourself

In that same vein, sometimes you may feel like everyone is having better sex than you or feel guilty for not being interested in something spicy. Your sexual interests do not have to align with everyone else’s. If you and your partner don’t have any interest in trying role play or any other “trendy” activity, the good news is that you don’t have to. An open mind is a great asset in the bedroom, but you shouldn’t feel pressured to play by others’ rules or make every experience feel like a high-budget production. It’s ok to have nights (or days, whatever is your jam) that are just about you and your partner being together. 

Spontaneity and regularity are two key ingredients for a fulfilling, long-term sexual relationship. It might take a while to figure out what ratio of variety to consistency works best for you, as it’s different for everyone, but if you communicate, you’ll figure out what works best for you and your partner. 

Communicate Your Needs, Wants, and Desires

Sexual satisfaction is also crucial for maintaining a strong relationship. Be open about your needs and desires, and be open to discussing what your partner needs. It’s the same as any other part of your relationship. If something isn’t working, that is just as important to discuss. It’s never “just sex.” Your happiness and experience matter and deserves to be respected. You have control over how your sex life looks and functions. Be proactive in what makes you feel like your best self. 

Think of your sexuality as a muscle. It needs regular exercise to be strong and healthy. Like a muscle, you can build it up and make it stronger. Allow yourself to explore and indulge in the things that make you feel your best. It will help you learn yourself and help you build a better relationship with your whole body and your mind. 

Take Time for You

Time together is important, but so is time alone. You don’t have to share all of yourself. You can keep parts of yourself reserved for yourself. If you have fantasies you want to keep to yourself, that’s valid too. There’s nothing wrong with needing time to yourself for a little self-love. 

You are always free to expand your options, no matter your relationship status. Your self-love journey is just as—if not more—important than your sexual relationship with others. It’s easy to become alienated from your own body, so making a point to spend time familiarizing yourself with the skin you live in can be tremendously beneficial for your relationship with yourself and your relationship with others. You not only will feel more at home in your body, which may help you to open up to others easier, but being familiar with the area will make you a better tour guide when you connect with your partner.