How to Sexy Talk in Relationships

Brought to you by Amorus, the relationship intimacy app

Talking about sex can be hard. We all bring our own baggage and can feel awkward or silly, even in long-term relationships. Yet sexy conversations, whether in person or via sext, can help build intimacy, strengthen relationships, and build self-esteem. It’s this type of communication that keeps sexual energy alive and well. 

This three-part series offers a framework for approaching sexy conversations, insights on receiving information from your partner, and new communication tactics to keep the relationship spicy and delicious!

Sexy Conversations Start with Flirting

All relationships start and stay alive with flirting ­­– that fun banter, the flash of a smile, and the sexy eye contact. If we know how to flirt with our partner effectively, then we’re on our way to starting a sexy conversation. When flirting, it helps to start by complimenting them or saying what we know will make them laugh. This kind of interaction signals your partner that they are safe with you and that your intentions are positive. 

Talking about things that evoke similar feelings to sex is a great way to flirt! For instance, a great workout or massage about touch and pleasure in the body; a favorite meal that made you gasp and get lost in flavor; a concert or experience that had you on the edge of your seat – all are great flirting topics.

To strengthen the connections, ask questions about what they like, their interest in seeing a movie, or trying something new. Then share stuff about yourself! For example, talk about food you like or want to discover. Keep it loose and flexible, and above all, keep it upbeat.

An intimate conversation has a pace and rhythm that leads us to feel good, safe, and hopefully feeling sexy!

Establish Consent

Look for signs of an engaged conversation, as this is a great segway into sexier chat. Is your partner focused on the exchange? Are they responding to you quickly? Are the questions and responses getting deeper and more detailed? Is the flirtation ramping up? If the answers are yes, then you have an opportunity to turn the conversation into a sexually intimate one. 

How do you try to turn a conversation sexy?  By asking for CONSENT to go there. This is the biggest piece of advice we can offer for getting to that sexy talk: ASK if it’s okay. By asking for consent, you show that you want them to feel comfortable and be excited about anything more sexual. And asking questions is sexy! Here are a few good questions to introduce a more spicy vibe: 

                               - “Can I share a sexy thought?” 
                               - “Is it okay if I ask you something sexy?” 
                               - “Can we talk about intimate things?”
                               - “I had a sexy idea ­­– can I tell you?”
                               - “That makes me think of something spicy…”

Once permission has been established, and sex is on the table for both of you, you’ll be amazed at how quickly things can heat up. 

Be Honest and Vulnerable

For a happy and healthy sexual partnership to work (and to last), we must be willing to share what we want sexually from our partner. It might sound easy, but sharing our desires can be scary. Many of us carry shame surrounding sex, so revealing those wants and desires can feel risky. It can make us feel vulnerable. But it’s important to remember that vulnerability is the key to intimacy and true intimacy is worth the risk. 

The good news is that the more we practice sharing our desires, the easier it gets. The more we put ourselves out there by sharing that secret spot we like to be kissed or that position in which we are most likely to orgasm, the more the communication feels comfortable, exciting, and delicious!

Trust Your Partner(s)

Part of the process is trusting that our partner really does want to please us. Any information we can share about what brings us pleasure is like a magic ticket to them! Trust opens the door to all the sexy new adventures waiting for you and your partner. 

The sky's the limit with sexy chat – you can explore each other’s boundaries, fantasies, and desires and find new ways to express yourselves – just remember to flirt, get clear and enthusiastic consent, be honest and vulnerable, and trust the sharing!  If you want a little help, the Amorus app has games and tools for couples to play on a safe, secure platform. For example, try sending a picture as a blurred jigsaw and make your lover work for the pic! 

In our next two blog posts, we’ll discuss how to fully receive information from our partner(s) in a way that helps everyone learn about each other’s sexual wants, needs, and boundaries. We’ll also look at new ways to bring sexy conversations into our busy lives, whether in person on a long car ride or via a sexting app like Amorus, with plenty of sexy tips!

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