1. Passion, Intimacy, and Romance

Lehmiller found that passion, intimacy, and romance were the number one fantasy among men and women, with 99% of respondents saying they desired more of this in their sex lives.

2. Novelty and Adventure

Another very common fantasy involves doing something new and exciting. This could be anything new to you, such as a new sexual position, roleplaying, having sex in a different location, or exploring sex toys together. 97% of adults want to spice up their relationship with something new and unique.

3. Threesomes and Moresomes

Lehmiller noted that “threesomes, orgies, and gangbangs” were among American adults' most popular fantasies, as were non-monogamous relationships such as “swinging, polyamory, cuckolding, or having an open relationship.” In addition, 95% of men and 87% of women were into some form of group sex, with 91% of men and 80% of women trying out open relationships.

4. BDSM and Rough Sex

One of the most popular fantasies among adults, according to Lehmiller, is BDSM, being sexually dominated or rough sex. 93% of women and 81% of men enjoyed fantasies of being submissive, while 76% of women and 85% of men fantasized about being dominant. Bondage was also a common fantasy, with 85% of women and 73% of men into the idea. Overall, 96% of women and 94% of men are into some form of kinky sex. This is not surprising given the popularity of the “Fifty Shades” book and movie franchise and, more recently, How to Build a Sex Room on Netflix.

5. Pain and Pleasure

Both genders also have sexual desires of sadism (60% of women and 56% of men), while most women (79%) were into receiving some sort of pain such as spanking and men to a much lesser degree (only 49%).

6. Exhibitionism and Voyeurism 

Consensual exhibitionism, or having sex in public, was very popular, with 84% of women and 81% of men getting turned on by the idea. However, men were more into watching or voyeurism at 72%, whereas only 48% of women were interested in watching others have sex.

7. Gender-Bending

Less common were fantasies of genderbending, including cross-dressing, sex with a trans person, and becoming the opposite sex, with 59% of men and 49% of women wanting to explore this fantasy.

8. Same-Sex Fantasies

Like gender-bending, same-sex fantasies and homoeroticism were not as popular, with 59% of women and 26% of men likely to get off on these desires.

Editor’s Note: This fantasy refers to individuals who identify as heterosexual.

• Communicating your sexual desires is the first step to beginning to explore your sexual fantasies. Remember that 97% of us have sexual fantasies, so the odds are that yours may be similar to your partners.

• Lehmiller says to talk about your more “vanilla” sexual fantasies and work your way up to the more adventurous ones later. This allows trust and intimacy to build up over time.

• Timing is important. Don’t talk to your partner about this when they are stressed, after a long day at work, or when they are distracted. Instead, get them in a good mood first while you both relax and have an intimate evening together.

• Ensure your partner that you are happy in your relationship and that you want to share these fantasies with them to enhance the sex for both of you. This will help alleviate their concerns that they are not a good lover or that you are unhappy with your current sex life.

• You can try “talking dirty” during sex and foreplay to introduce sexual fantasies into your relationship. Roleplaying with bedroom costumes is another great way to try out a new fantasy.

• Read erotica or watch an erotic movie together and discuss what you liked and didn’t like. Or try out a sexy game to explore your fantasies.

• Shop online for sex toys together to see what’s available and to spark some fantasies you can explore.

• Show them this article! Reading an article exploring sexual fantasies will show them that their sexual fantasies are normal, and it is a great jumping-off point to get the conversation rolling.