Some People Don't Masturbate

Just because "everyone" does it, doesn't mean you should.

For as much discourse about how masturbation is bad, there is also a growing number of voices encouraging people to participate in self-pleasure. And, of course, there is nothing objectively wrong with masturbation. It’s a satisfying activity, and there is growing evidence to suggest it has health benefits, but masturbation is ultimately morally neutral. 

It’s also not for everyone. 

That isn’t to say some people should not masturbate. If you want to, go for it! But some people experience no interest in masturbation. 

The reasons people choose to abstain are broad and complex—everything from personal sexuality to personal comfort level. Whatever your reason, it’s valid. 

But if you’ve been wondering why you can’t get into it, maybe we can help you narrow it down.

Purity Culture

Oftentimes, what we learn growing up sticks with us and affects how we interact with other people and ourselves. If you grew up in a religious culture that demonized sex, it could be hard to let go of those feelings no matter what your current belief system is. These environments are particularly hard on those born with female bodies, as the female form is often demonized as inherently sexual: it has the power to make good people do bad things, and it becomes your job to regulate how people feel about your body.

Sex is different, as it’s something you share with another person. Masturbation, on the other hand, is all for you. If you’ve been made to feel like it is something for you to give another person, just enjoying it all yourself can lead to some complicated feelings. 

It can take a while to unlearn this belief system, so give yourself time and grace to process your feelings. You don’t have to unpack your complex feelings alone. Online, you can find communities of people who grew up with similar beliefs, and many therapists specialize in helping people unpack and overcome their discomfort with sex and masturbating.

Gender Dysphoria 

Gender dysphoria can also influence your experience masturbating. Gender dysphoria is “the feeling of discomfort or distress in people whose gender identity differs from their sex assigned at birth or sex-related physical characteristics.” Unfortunately, in what little sexual education there is, it is rarely trans-inclusive. As a result, many transgender people can feel alienated from their bodies and lost about how to build a relationship with their sexuality. And when you feel disconnected from your body, it can make it difficult to enjoy experiencing your body. 

In an interview for Teen Vogue, licensed therapist Angie Gunn said: "We learn by trying, doing, and being sexual beings, but folks with dysphoria are often fighting for space to just be. Pleasure is not necessarily the top priority when faced with a fight for survival, creating a gender expression that feels right, or managing the mental health challenges associated with dysphoria."

Give yourself space to figure out how you want to move and live in your body. It is totally normal to have a complicated relationship with your body, especially if you are 

Lifestyle changes and gender-affirming care can help improve your relationship with your body and help nurture your sexuality, but it can also impact you sexually. 

If you are currently undergoing hormone replacement therapy, that might influence your interest in sex. According to the Mayo Clinic, feminizing hormones can cause decreased libido and decreased spontaneous erections. In addition, the many microscopic changes happening within your body can have a dramatic effect on your libido, your feelings about your body, and your mental health. It’s a complicated process, so don’t be hard on yourself if you take a hiatus from sexual activity, including masturbating.

Asexuality

But even if you grew up in the most sex-positive environment possible, that doesn’t guarantee you’ll have any desire to masturbate. 

Not everyone experiences those kinds of desires. 

Your sexuality may influence your interest in self-pleasure.

To quickly clear up a misconception: asexuality is a real sexuality. Sexual attraction is an attraction that makes people desire sex. And some people experience little to no sexual attraction and do not desire sexual stimulation. Some asexual people still enjoy the physical act of sex, and some may enjoy the sensation of masturbation, but it varies from person to person. If you are asexual, you may not feel any desire to masturbate.

And sometimes, you may not want to masturbate just because. You can love sex and still not have any desire to masturbate. 

Each individual human’s sexuality is unique. Some people only masturbate and don’t like sex; others do it all, and others do nothing. There doesn’t have to be a deep reason for what you do and do not like: it’s your sexuality. You are free to do what you like and abstain from what you don’t. We understand that it can feel alienating not to have any interest in something everyone’s making such a fuss about, but we can also promise you that you’re not alone.

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