Good Things Come to Those Who Wait
It’s about the journey, not the destination.
Nowhere is that expression more applicable than in the bedroom. A quickie is fun here and there, but routinely sex should be a marathon rather than a sprint. We all want to cross the finish line, but we also want to have a good time along the way and make the good times last.
A survey conducted by the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that “ an “adequate” length for ejaculatory latency was from 3 to 7 minutes; “desirable” from 7 to 13 minutes; “too short” from 1 to 2 minutes; “too long” from 10 to 30 minutes.” Everyone’s preference is different, and it’s important to get your partner’s input on how long they would like your sexual encounter to last. But if you’re unsatisfied with your stamina, there are ways to help.
Prolonging pleasure is an acquired skill, but it is a skill anyone can gain. It takes discipline and stamina to delay an orgasm. If you haven’t got either of those things, keep reading for recommendations on products and techniques for how to beat your personal time record and satisfy yourself and your partner for even longer.
Live on the Edge:
We’ve all heard of delayed gratification. It makes the reward all the more sweeter to know it’s something you had to work for, to wait for, and how when you finally get what you’ve been building up to it becomes something to savor rather than devour whole.
Edging takes delayed gratification to a whole new level.
Like the name would imply, edging means bringing yourself or your partner right up to the proverbial edge and then slowing down. Kinkly explains edging as “bringing yourself (or a partner) close to orgasm, stopping just before climax, and then repeating the process over again.”
Why do this, you might ask? With each time you tease yourself until you’re on the verge of having an orgasm, the intensity builds. Good things come to those who wait, and earth shatteringly great orgams are definitely worth that wait. You can edge yourself as many times as you want, or until you can’t stand it any longer, and enjoy your compounded climax.
But you don’t have to wait around for your partner to try it out. Edging can be just as fun for people flying solo as it is with a partner. In fact, it’s best to test things out on yourself before getting a friend involved. All you need is yourself, your favorite toy, and some lube. While masturbating, bring yourself close to release then stop just short, and repeat as desired.
Self-edging allows you to get really familiar with your body’s natural cues. Learning how you feel right before you orgasm, and how to hold off, will give you more power over all your climaxes.
Edging is also a great way to build intimacy between partners. Not only do you learn your personal cues, but edging a partner allows you to get more in touch with their personal cues. Edging can give you a better sense of how long and what it takes to get your partner there, which is all valuable information for when you move onto the next course of the evening.
As if there weren’t enough reasons to try edging, Kinkly also reports that it can increase overall sexual stamina, especially in those who have a penis and might be prone to premature ejaculation. In order to successfully edge, you use all the same muscles engaged doing kegel exercises, so edging is also an easy and fun workout for your pelvic floor. The best part is that edging will pay off up front and will keep paying off later.
If you decide to try edging (and even if you don’t), we recommend lube. According to Women's Health, “nearly 50 percent of men and women who have used lube say that it makes it easier to have an orgasm.” Lube is fantastic at upping the wow factor to your overall experience, but if you’d like to try something that will not only smooth things out but will prolong your activities, try the Endless Love for Men Stay Hard and Prolong Water Based Lubricant. Endless Love’s lubricant includes a mild numbing agent making it easier to last longer and play harder.
Sidebar: Numbing agents are fun because it turns the volume down on the sensation, making it easier to play longer. However, numbing agents can potentially desensitize sensations that might be a warning sign. As always, test your numbing agent beforehand to see just how numb you’ll be, and avoid potential injuries later. Use with caution and know your limitations.
Combating Premature Ejaculation:
Some premature ejaculation is totally normal, especially for people who are still novices at sex. Nerves and confidence play a huge part in controlling your climax, and gaining more experience will help you acquire more skills and more faith in yourself.
For those who are still dealing with premature ejaculation even with some experience, that is still common. Because it is normal, there are many resources available to you. First, start by practicing mindfulness and focusing on your breathing. Familiarize yourself with your own body and learn how to tune in on what you’re feeling.
Products to Try:
There are a myriad of products that can help increase your stamina, such as desensitizing gels and creams. System JO Prolonger Gel uses natural numbing agents to help prolong your encounter. The brand recommends having fun with the gel’s application. It can be a great foreplay tool for slowing down time with your partner.
Another great option is System JO for Him Prolonger Maximum Strength Desensitizing Spray. This desensitizing spray will help extend your intimacy by delaying orgasm and aiding in your “staying power.”
Prolonging gel is best applied before you get started, or as the first step into foreplay. When you’re ready to move things along, a massage is always a good idea. Bijoux Indiscrets Slow Sex Finger Play Gel is a perfect choice for those who are looking to get a little handsy, by yourself or with a friend. Bijoux’s gel can be used for masturbating as well as giving your partner a rub-down.
Penis rings could also be a way to extend your session. They work by applying pressure to the penis and restricting blood flow which helps keep it engorged. The Rubber C-Ring Set by Spartacus is an easy-to-use penis ring set made of comfortable soft rubber with three different size options.
Penis rings are a fairly straightforward product, but some come with a few extra bells and whistles. The Signet Ring not only comes with a vibrating attachment for the pleasure of you and your partner, but also comes with an app! You can control the Signet Ring from your phone, making it easy to take with you on an adventure, and you can create customizable vibrating patterns tailored to you and your partner’s preference.
Safe sex should always be a priority, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun with it. Plenty of condoms come in different variations meant to prolong pleasure or increase different sensations for you and your partner. The Durex Performax Intense Condoms come “ribbed and dotted with delay lubricant.” One-stop-shop products like these are great for when you want to take your time with your partner and not take so much time getting warmed up.
And remember that there is so much more to sex than just the male orgasm. Sex should be fun and pleasurable for both partners, and its important to bear your partner’s own satisfaction in mind. By gaining more power over your orgasm, you’ll be able to play longer and help ensure that both of you are satisfied.