Long Distance Relationships

We’ve all heard the saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” And while that might be true, that certainly doesn’t make things any easier. 

Maybe you and your partner go to different schools in different towns, or maybe you’re not able to be with your partner because of the ongoing pandemic. Whatever the reason you and your partner are in different cities, states, or any distance, it can be hard but it’s definitely not impossible to keep the romance going. 

A 2018 survey found that 60% of long-distance relationships last. With a little extra help and some creative thinking, there’s no reason that your long distance relationship can’t be as physically and emotionally fulfilling as relationships that aren’t so geographically challenged. 

We’ve compiled some tips and tricks (and some cool product recommendations!) to help you navigate your LDR. 

Establish Some Ground Rules:

Even if you can’t be in the same place, you can be on the same page. 

One of the biggest stumbling blocks in long distance relationships is that both partners are not clear about what constitutes cheating. One person might prefer that their partner avoid physical and mental intimacy with others. Some don’t mind if they’re partner has a sexual relationship outside of their own as long as their partner doesn’t start prioritizing the other person. Not everyone has the same idea of what cheating or intimacy is, so make sure you’re both clear about what is and is not acceptable in your relationships. 

It’s also important to talk through how committed you are to a relationship. If you want to stay together and work through things, it’s good to have that verbal contract between the two of you. If you’re just casual (or that’s how one partner sees things), be upfront about it and save yourself some potential heartache. 

With all of that out of the way, trust your partner with the rules you’ve established. In the digital age, it can be tempting to cyber-stalk your partner and try to keep tabs on them, but that might do more damage to your relationship than whatever your partner is up to. 

If you spend all your time worrying about whether or not they're cheating, that means something is wrong. If your partner repeatedly violates the terms of your relationship and this bothers you, it might be time to reevaluate if they’re the right partner for you. 

But if you’re chronically concerned that your partner is cheating on you, and they’ve never cheated before and you don’t have any concrete reason to believe they’re cheating now, it might be time to reflect on what exactly is making you so worried. Some level of concern is healthy and normal, but if it begins to fester and cause you to resent or mistrust your partner, that’s a problem that could lead to bigger complications in your relationship down the road. 

A relationship should not ever be about controlling another person, no matter if that person lives in the same neighborhood or hundreds of miles away. Your partner has the right to deny any request you make of them. However, it's important to be sensitive to your partner’s needs. If they clearly express that something you’re doing is bothering them, you need to assess if it’s more worth it to keep doing what you’re doing or to make your partner unhappy. 

These are all things to go over before you begin your relationship. 

Make Time for the Ones You Love:

Something you learn as an adult is that no one really has time—they make time. Find ways to keep your partner on your calendar and prioritize your relationship. 

In all relationships, communication is king. This is even more true if your partner is long-distance. We are fortunate enough to live in the age of tech. Between Zoom, Whatsapp, Skype, FaceTime, and a plethora of other communication apps, you’ve got plenty of options that will make it easy to frequently talk and text with your partner. 

Women's Health advises partner’s to talk, but not talk all the time. If you lived together, you’d have plenty of quiet moments. That’s normal. You don’t need to overcompensate for distance by talking constantly, so try to keep big conversations contained to when they’re something really worth talking about. Also, pro tip: write down the highlights of your last phone call/Zoom/Skype. Then later, check in and ask about that thing at the office, how far they are in that new book series they just started, or anything else that’s important to them. 

Time is valuable, so respect theirs and yours.

If this is feasible, consider visiting your partner, hosting them, or meeting somewhere in the middle periodically. Being able to physically be with each other periodically will help stave off feelings of loneliness or feeling like your partner is internet-only and not part of your real life. A real life date or vacation together hits refresh on your relationship. 

Set aside some time to sync up your calendars and figure out when you can meet. Depending on your relationship, you might only have the opportunity to meet up once, or you can make it a regular thing. 

Get Creative:

Talking and texting is great, but there’s a reason love letters are still en vogue. Texts and phone calls don’t really exist outside of your phone. They’re ephemeral, and incredibly easy to send. But a letter, slightly more laborious, is something they can hold in their hand and keep. Try sitting down and writing them a love letter (bonus points if it’s handwritten). 

It’s a little more work, but it's so worth the extra effort to give your partner this intimate, physical gift. 

Games are another great way to keep the romance going when your partner is away. There are plenty of games online that allow people to play from different phones or computers. Find one you both like and have some fun! 

Editor's Psst: We also carry fun erotic games that you can alter the rules to make it work long distance. If you are interested in deeping your relationship, rather than focusing on the sexy, we also recommend some great games by relationship expert Esther Perel: Where Should We Begin and from the Emmy Winning Documentary The Skin Deep: {The And}.

It also helps to have things that feel uniquely yours. Try something like reading a book or watching a show together. Pick something, and map out when you’ll read/watch/listen so that way you’re enjoying it together, even if you’re apart. This also gives your relationship a little structure because it's a consistent part of your schedule. 

And if you want ways to keep things spicy while you’re separated, there’s options for that too. Depending on your comfort level, you could try phone or video chats when you’re ready to get intimate. They can watch or listen to whatever you’re doing, and you can watch and listen to them. Try guiding your partner over the phone for a more personal touch. You can read more on mutual masturbation here. We encourage you to give it a shot even if your partner lives in the same house as you. 

There are also plenty of products meant for you and your partner to try. The brand Svakom offers plenty of app controlled products. You can use these solo, or your partner can sign in on the app and control it from afar. It’s like they’re there without actually being there. Some of our favorite app controlled products are the Vick Neo App Controlled P-Spot Stimulator and the Emma Neo App Controlled Wand. As long as your partner has internet connectivity, they can play with you from anywhere. 

If you’re long distance because of college, or if you just want something for yourself, Lion’s Den offers an in-person 30% discount to students every TUESDAY who present a valid student ID. Grab something fun for you and your partner to enjoy.