Sex toys are to good relationships as therapy is to good relationships. Utilizing tools to enhance, strengthen, or help your relationship and self is never a bad thing and just like therapy, sex toys can be a tool that helps relationships in many ways. For some people, the idea of sex toys can feel intimidating because there have been so many times that the idea that sex toys will replace a partner have been passed around, but that is the furthest thing from the truth. Sex toys can’t replace the intimacy and connection that comes with sexual activity with another person; rather, sex toys add some excitement to a shared experience. Sex toys have the capability to add another level or experience to sex, they don’t push a partner out of sex. If you have been wanting to introduce sex toys into your relationship but have been nervous about it, you aren’t alone, and I am here to help!
Starting the Conversation
The biggest thing about introducing sex toys into a relationship is having a conversation with your partner(s). This step is vital if you and your partner(s) have never used toys together before or if you are unsure how your partner feels about using toys. Before you start this conversation be sure to do it in a neutral area. This just means you aren’t bringing the conversation up in the bedroom, during sex, or in a space where sex would be expected to follow. You don’t want to add more pressure to your partner by making them think that you want to use toys immediately with them. If your partner is more nervous or anxious about the idea of introducing toys be sure to express that your desire for toys is not a reflection of them or their skills in bed, but rather that you want to experience something new with them. Explaining that toys are tools or supports for sex rather than replacements is important.
Choose Toys Together
Once you and your partner have talked and are on the same page about using toys you are going to want to get toys together. Make it a date night and go to dinner and then shop for toys together. You can go in-person to a Lion’s Den store (which I highly recommend) or shop online if they are more comfortable with that situation. Shopping together is important because it makes it a collaborative experience rather than you just showing up one day with toys your partner(s) have no idea about. While shopping for toys together you can chat about the different ways you can use toys together, fantasies you might have, and answer any questions that come up for each other. While choosing toys you would be able to talk about how you would like to use them together and ways to make sex novel, fun, and exciting for both of y’all. Going in to a brick and mortar store is a good idea if you partner(s) have no experience with sex toys so that they can actually feel toys and begin to get comfortable with them.
Using Toys Together
When y’all have decided on some toys and are going to use them together there are some important things to know. The first one is that you shouldn’t really share toys. The only exception really is if you are fluid bonded. For relationships where everyone involved has vulvas you really shouldn’t share sex toys, this also means you shouldn’t bring sex toys from an old relationship into a new one. You should also make sure that you and your partner both understand how to take care of toys, in terms of cleaning and storage. The better care that is taken of toys the longer they last. Take time learning the toy together with your partner(s) to ensure ease of use during actual sex. It is also a good idea to start with the least intimidating toy and then work your way to more advanced or larger toys.
Regardless of the dynamic of your relationship, toys allow for exploration in ways that we can’t always do with just our hands or fingers. Don’t be afraid to get creative with sex toys and your sex life overall. Sex is meant to be fun and exciting, which means it doesn’t have to match up with the script we have all been told in terms of how sex is supposed to go.