Booty Self Care: Celebrating Your Butt for Anal August

Baby got back, and we love it.

It’s #AnalAugust, so we are here to celebrate the almighty gluteus maximus, with lots of fantastic tips on tushy self-care, so you can get your bum into tip-top shape for an analicious #SummerOfBooty love.

Let’s get started!

Beautiful Booty

We all would like to have that Kim Kardashian beautiful booty, that is picture-perfect, popping, and twerk-able.  But the truth is, most insurance companies are not going to give us $1 million dollars (JLo) for our butts, and most posteriors are less than flawless. To get your bottom looking amazing in time for Anal August, read on for some of our kick-ass tips! ????

Cellulite

One word: cellulite. Yep. As much as we love to hate it, up to 90% of vulva-owners have cellulite, no matter how big or small your booty is. And, like it or not, it probably isn’t going away, as there is no 100% cure for cellulite.

Butt! There are a few things other than liposuction or laser treatments that can help.

Booty Scrubs

Booty scrubs that contain caffeine help to break down fat in the butt cheeks and work to smooth and tighten the skin. Other products with retinoids and antioxidants help to strengthen and thicken the skin, so those fat globules have more trouble pushing out through the connective tissue.

Exfoliating the skin also helps remove butt pimples (folliculitis or keratosis) and makes your ass smoother as well. Additionally, booty scrubs promote cellular turnover, removing dead cells, so the newer, healthier skin underneath can improve skin’s radiance and make your butt glow. Choose products with alpha hydroxy acids (AHAs), which help with butt acne (called buttne), and glycolic or lactic acid that exfoliate without causing skin damage.

Dry brushing before a shower can also help exfoliate and leave your butt skin smoother by improving circulation and moving the lymphatic fluid around. If you don’t want to spend $63 on 2.5 oz of Brazilian Bum Bum Cream, here are “10 Homemade Scrubs for a Smoother Butt” that you can make yourself out of ordinary ingredients at home.

Fanny Facials and Masks

Butt masks have also become popular lately, as they add hydration, aid in removing butt acne, and brighten skin tone. Dr. Khetarpal from Cleveland Clinic says, “When skin is more hydrated, it looks plumper and less dimpled.” However, it is important to do a skin test first if you have sensitive skin or eczema and stay away from scented products. Choose products that moisturize and contain rich oils like shea butter, hyaluronic acid, and ingredients that stimulate collagen production such as vitamin C, aloe vera, and amino acids.

Busting a Move

Keeping your butt in optimum shape will take more than a booty scrub or butt mask, however. If you really want a gluteus maximus that is bootylicious, then you’ll need to bust a move.

While squats are one of the best types of butt shaping exercises, check out these “The Best Butt Workouts at Home” from Glamour Magazine to get your tushy into shape.

Shake That Booty

Better still, to get those cheeks curvy and popping, turn on some tunes and shake that booty. While any type of dancing can give you a workshop, the best ones for building those glutes are belly dancing (booty lift), twerking, Zumba “Big Booty” (by JLo), Booty Pop Cardio Dance Workout, Hip-Hop, and African dance workouts. Or try this “20 Min Beginner Dance Workout - Hustle, Salsa, Merengue, Cha Cha, Rumba, Samba, Jive” that combines a variety of dance styles to shake your booty to.

Show It Off

Now that you got your bottom all beefed up, time to show it off! Get yourself some new booty-popping panties or thongs to really display your best assets.

While you’re at it, might as well take a belfie (butt selfie) so you can save it for posterity. Here’s how to take the perfect belfie. You can even buy a product just for taking belfies called a Belfie Stick. Who knew!   

Anal Health

Anal health begins with what you eat. To have the ultimate digestive health, Healthline recommends foods with lots of fiber like fruit (apples), veggies (beets, leafy greens, and spinach) and whole grains, fermented foods like kefir, miso, kimchi, sauerkraut, and tempeh, and foods with probiotics like yogurt and kombucha. Other gut-healthy foods include salmon for Omega-3 and bone broth which has “amino acids glutamine and glycine” that “bind to fluid in your digestive tract and help food pass more easily.” Oh, and drink more water as well!

Pooping Posture

Speaking of passing food, it turns out we humans have been pooping the wrong way for a long time. Or at least since the invention of the toilet. While toilets are a comfy and convenient way to eliminate our waste, the human colon is designed for squatting rather than sitting when doing the doo.

Our colon has a bend in it that keeps all the stool inside until you are ready to go. Problem is, when you sit on the porcelain throne, that posture puts a kink in the plumbing that causes blockages, constipation, bloating, hemorrhoids, and more. So, ideally, to have a healthy bowel movement, you want to get into a squatting position to do the deed.

I know you may be picturing yourself trying to balance as you perch on top of your toilet in a Kung fu squatting pose, but there is a much easier way. One is a little stool, called the Squatty Potty, which helps you squat properly so you can do your business the way you were meant to. According to the creators of this product, using a stool is “clinically proven to eliminate strain by 90%, increase emptiness by 85%, and decrease time spent doing the deed by 71%.” And yes they have studies of people pooping to prove it.

Here is their hilarious video, starring a unicorn who poops delicious rainbow-colored ice cream, called Dookie.

Dead Butt Syndrome

If you sit all day in an office, it can eventually lead to “dead butt syndrome,” also called “lower cross syndrome, gluteal amnesia or gluteus medius tendinosis.” Sitting too long on your derrière can cause bad posture, and discomfort, and eventually can lead to chronic back pain. Even worse, it makes your bum less perky, as your behind loses muscle tone and becomes saggy.

“Since your glutes impact your hip movement, pelvis rotation, and pelvic stability, what’s bad for your butt is actually bad for your entire body.”—Glamour Magazine.

The easy way to alleviate dead butt syndrome and a flat bottom is to make sure you have a chair that you can adjust for good posture, get up and move around every ½ hour or so (use a timer to remind you), and do some booty workouts to keep your bum in shape.

Kegels for Your Butthole

You have probably heard of Kegels for your vagina or pelvic floor exercises before. Butt! Did you know you can also do Kegels for your butthole?

To do them, you just need to squeeze your butt hole, to get started. Then squeeze and release it for 10-50 reps each day.

Anal Hygiene

Butt Wipes

Now that you’ve learned the best way to offload your freight, you may be wondering if there is a better way to wipe your butt. While dry wads of TP are better than the old leaf wiping method, they are not as efficient as wet wiping for getting squeaky clean. Problem is that many wet wipes are not biodegradable, which is why you should never flush them. Even though they say flushable on the package, they still do not biodegrade and can also clog up the sewer system.

Promescent Before and After Wipes are biodegradable, and flushable, and keep your bottom (as well as your other intimate bits) fresh and clean whenever and wherever they are needed. Gently PH-balanced, and made with soothing aloe vera, these wipes are great for the butt.

You can also buy (or DIY your own) toilet paper spray to moisten your TP and provide the cleansing comfort of wet wipes. This all-natural alternative will keep you clean without clogging the pipes.

Portable Bidet

There are modern bidets out now that you can attach to your existing toilet for less than $100 bucks. Some smaller versions are even portable that you can carry in your purse. Bidets keep your butt clean without the need for TP or wet wipes. How cool is that?

Anal Douching

While cleaning your butt hole thoroughly with mild soap and water will suffice, some people like going the extra mile of anal douching before any anal play or ass sex.

Anal douching, or using enemas, is essentially flushing the anal canal with warm water to clean it out before anal sex to eliminate the worry factor. Experts warn about purchasing store-bought enema solutions, which may contain laxatives and other chemicals that you don’t want to put up your butt. Warm water is sufficient when using an anal douche.

More Butt Problems

Hairy Butts

Just about every butt is a bit hairy, especially in the crack between the cheeks. Most people don’t worry about it, but if it really bothers you or your butt is excessively hairy (or you are a porn star), you may want to remove it.

That said, shaving or using a depilatory cream sometimes can leave butt pimples, ingrown hairs, stubble, rashes, and skin irritation. Using a quality shave companion, like a shaving cream, can help reduce shaving after-effects. Coochy shave creams from Classic Brands are a great, inexpensive addition to your shave game. A little goes a long way, leaving skin nourished and smooth. If you prefer to avoid shaving difficult areas like your butt crack experts recommend waxing with a professional, laser hair removal, or electrolysis.

Hemorrhoids

Another problem that can pop up from time to time is hemorrhoids. If you got ‘em, then you know what a pain in the ass they can be. If you don’t have them, hemorrhoids are painful, swollen veins that can be caused by many things, including straining during childbirth, pooping, sitting for long hours, chronic diarrhea or constipation, anal sex, or eating a low-fiber diet.

To avoid getting them, the Mayo Clinic says: don’t strain, eat lots of fiber and drink lots of water. Also, avoid long periods of sitting and exercise regularly. To relieve hemorrhoids, you can get over-the-counter treatment creams that reduce swelling, sit in a sitz bath, and take pain relievers.

Bum, da Bum Bum!

Okay, folx! That’s the lowdown on Booty Self-Care for your sexy behind. Be sure to be kind to your tush, work those buns, and show your rear end some lovin’, so you are able to take those hot belfie shots for years to come.

Let’s hear it for the butt, bum, booty, anal, sphincter, tushy, derrière, anus, rosebud, bottom, underside, buttocks, behind, ass, buns, arse, rump, rear end, posterior, glutes, anus, cheeks, fanny, tail, and keester!

For more tips, visit us on social media.