After 50 shades of Grey became a part of our pop culture, many people started to become curious about introducing bondage into their sex life. Even before the book was written, bondage has been a staple in many sexual tool kits. Bondage with a partner can be fun, exciting, and erotic in the bedroom. But, if this is something you haven't tried before, there are few steps you should take before pulling out the gags and handcuffs. If bondage is new and you’ve decided this is an activity you want to try, read these tips first. They will help not only you become more comfortable with bondage, but your partner(s) as well.
1. Let’s Talk About It
We all know this is something people always tell you to do, but there’s a reason for it because it’s very important to get consent, especially with bondage! You need to talk with your partner first to make sure both parties are alright with taking this next step. You can’t just tie your partner up in the middle of the night and expect that to be your way of telling them you want to play bondage without telling them bondage is something you’re interested in; they could take it in a good way but it could also be disastrous. Let them know this is something you want, whether over dinner or invite them to help you pick out a toy. It doesn’t have to be a lengthy conversation; just tell them this is something you want to try. Most often, they will be excited about trying something new as well. For a great overview on what consent looks like, check out this article from helpingsurvivors.org
2. Selecting the Right Toy
There are many toys to help get started into bondage. They range from beginner to advanced S&M. To start, grab a simple blindfold and hand/feet restraints that tie to the bed. The blindfold is a great element to accompany bondage because the lack of sight adds an element of anticipation to their feelings of restraint. The hand and feet restraints should be long ties that have single handcuffs on the end of each tie. These are perfect for beginners because they allow for a lot of flexibility and movement. The handcuffs at the ends should be soft and attached with Velcro so they are comfortable and each to get in and out of, because the last thing you want is taking 5 minute breaks in the middle of the heat just to figure out how to get your partner out of the restraints. The ties are also useful because you can pick and choose which limbs you want to be restrained, like just the feet or just the hands, or if you like to allow a little tease of control, leave one foot or one hand loose while the others are restrained.
3. Slave to Sensation
The trick to bondage is really quite simple. It appeals to us because it forces one person to be out of control. This inability to touch and move makes every sensation feel like it’s now speaking through a microphone. It makes everything feel better and more amplified. Add a blindfold to the mix, and now the sensations are coming through a loudspeaker. So take your time with your partner. Don’t rush; let them feel your slow touches and caresses. Another element is the feeling of being wanted and desired. With your partner unable to show love and attention back under the restraints, they are suddenly very aware and wanting you to show your desire for them and their body. Try things like gently running your fingers along their skin, whispering in their ear how much you want them, kiss their body slowly. It will leave both of you craving more. If you want to add something a little extra, grab an ice cube and surprise them with that new element or tickle them with a tickler or feather. The sensations will drive your partner wild and begging for more.
4. Find the Right Position
When starting out, the best position to begin is the submissive partner on their back. This way, their front is exposed with their hands and feet restrained so all of their “goodies” are easily available and assessable to make them your playthings. However, if you’re looking for something different or don’t to start on the back, put them on their sides. Restrain their hands and feet together on one side of the bed so they are laying on their side and then lay behind them. You still have easy access to all their sensitive spots but it’s easier to tease in a different spot. You can nibble on their ear or their neck while reaching your arm to their front and stroking their intimate areas. From there, the possibilities are endless. For females, you can bend them over a chair, have them on their front or back. For males, tie them to a sturdy chair or get them on their knees with their hands tied in front of their body.
5. Take Turns
This is a great way for everyone to get comfortable with bondage and a great way to tease. Set a timer on your phone to go off every 5-10 minutes. Take turns being the one tied up or the one who’s in charge. Set limits and challenges with each other. For example, the first round you’re not allowed to remove clothes or the second round you’re only allowed to use your tongue. This turn taking will get both parties comfortable with the ties knowing their turn will come soon. It will also increase pleasure for both because of the amount of foreplay that allows creativity and fun.