5 Conversations for Intimacy in Your Relationship

Intimacy is a practice that you build toward each day.

Intimacy is important in relationships, but it can be challenging to be in sync with partners in terms of intimacy because different things impact everyone differently. The world is a mess, and you may see it impact your relationship on many levels, from the physical to the emotional and spiritual. Though there is no cookie-cutter way to get back on the same page regarding intimacy in a relationship, starting a conversation is an excellent place to begin. So, here are five different conversations you can have with your partner(s) to improve communication and intimacy.

Before we get to the questions, let’s recap about intimacy. There are four types of intimacy: physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental.

General Check-In

The first question should be a general relationship check-in. Relationship check-ins create space for things to be addressed in a relationship without a fight having to be the catalyst. As Casey Tanner, a sex therapist, explains, “Scheduled check-ins carve out time to prioritize your connection, your relationship, and your experience.”

A check-in conversation should include:

After you have checked in and have a pulse on your current relationship and awareness of your and your partner's emotions, you can proceed to have conversations that focus on strengthening intimacy.

Physical Intimacy

Physical intimacy is defined as a connection and communication built through friendship, platonic love, romantic love, and/or sexual activity.

If you want to focus on physical intimacy, ask questions like:

If you are still nervous or unsure how to address the topic, you can turn to sex therapist Yana Tallon-Hicks, for some more tips surrounding this conversation.

Emotional Intimacy

Emotional intimacy is the candid sharing of thoughts and feelings. 

For emotional intimacy, ask questions like: 

If you need help clarifying your feelings or expressing your emotions, try reading our June Book-of-the-Month pick, Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown.

Spiritual Intimacy

Spiritual intimacy is the closeness in specific, meaningful moments. Often shared through religion, but it can be shared through a number of practices.

For spiritual intimacy, ask questions like:

If you need help, remember Spirituality does not have to mean practicing from organized religion. Explore what this means to you and your partner and how you can better support it in each other. Professor Kenneth Pargament says, “It has all of these positive connotations of having a life with meaning, a life with some sacredness to it—you have some depth to who you are as a human being.”

Mental Intimacy

Mental intimacy is all about getting cerebral with your partner. 

For mental intimacy, ask questions like:

Mental intimacy is often obvious, but without the depth of the conversation, you are simply both making single statements at each other until the conversation simply just ends. Try asking clarifying questions when your partner talks to you, or ask them to elaborate more. It won’t happen overnight, but the key is to build small practices each day that eventually have an impact on your relationship.

Now that you have some conversation starters, and tips for engaging in healthy intimacy, get to talking! 

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