13 Dec

Yes, You Should Start Scheduling Sex

Prioritize pleasure in 2022 and beyond. 

Penciling “sex” onto your calendar might not sound like the sexiest thing in the world, but making it a standing appointment might actually boost your satisfaction with your partner and in the bedroom. 

And while variety is the spice of life, life has an annoying habit of derailing plans both spicy and mundane. If you’re a busy person and have several responsibilities to juggle throughout the week, it’s important to make time for yourself and for the people you care about. 

Antici. . . . pation

When it’s on your schedule, it’s a commitment. Schedules don’t always allow for spontaneity, so in a long-term relationship, sex can sometimes fall by the wayside. When it’s hypothetically always on the table, it can start to feel stale. But if it becomes a weekly special instead of a neglected item on the permanent menu, that helps give a little sparkle back to your sex lives. 

But if you’re not in a committed relationship, you can still benefit from scheduling sex. When it’s on your schedule, like a pilates class or that meeting with your boss, it becomes a regular part of life. You don’t have to find the time for sex because the time is already there. 

It’s all about building anticipation. You have something to look forward to, something you’ve got to wait for. There’s something to be said for delayed gratification. 


Quote modified from Dr. Kelly Casperson

Fertility Flux

As an added bonus of planning sex, it’s a helpful way for managing fertility. 

If you and your partner are trying to conceive, planning sex can increase your chances. You can monitor your body for ovulation, the 12-24 hour window when you’re most likely to conceive. Ovulation isn’t too difficult to track. It occurs roughly two weeks before your next menstrual cycle. If you can successfully track your period, you can hone in on when you’re ovulating and make sure you get some action during this peak time frame. 

And if you’re trying to avoid pregnancy this information is still super useful. If you know when you’re ovulating, you know when you should postpone your activities. 


Via tumblr.com

Health Benefits

If you struggle with a sexual dysfunction, having a heads-up can make all the difference. When you know you’re going to have sex, you can take any medication or do any other necessary prep work needed to have a good time. 

It’s also a boost to your mental health. Sexual satisfaction is good for the soul. In fact, regular sex/masturbation can help reduce depression and anxiety. Planned Parenthood explains that “sex and mental health share the same bed.” As humans are sexual as well as social creatures, the opportunity to connect with each other and ourselves sexually is very important for feelings of happiness and belonging. 

How to Plan

So you’ve decided you want to plan sex, but how do you do it?

Talk to your partner about what you want and see if they’re on board. Pitch it as something along the lines of wanting to have a regular appointment. You want to give them their own recurring spot on your schedule: just the two of you, no distractions. 

Should they agree, try planning it like you’d plan any other meeting. You can put it on your calendar, write yourself a note, whatever it is you do when you’ve got something coming up. You can also spice things up further by adding an itinerary to your meeting. This works especially well if there’s something you’ve both wanted to try but haven’t gotten around to. Now you have a coordinated block of time set aside where you can figure out all the ins and outs of whatever it is you want to try. 


Via gifer.com

If you’re just managing your own schedule, you’ve got a little more freedom. 

Of course, if you have roommates or family, finding time for yourself can also be a bit of a challenge. Consider taking on “you time” for when you’ll already be alone and need privacy, like before or after a shower or when you’re getting ready for bed. 

But no matter your situation, pick a time and stick to it. Honoring this item on your schedule the way you would honor any other commitment. Some flexibility in your scheduling is always welcome but consistency is key. 

Don’t fear the pressure; enjoy the anticipation.


11 Dec

Exploring Solo Sex

No one knows what you like better than you do. 

Whether or not you have a partner, it’s still nice to reconnect with yourself. Masturbation is one of the most fun and most satisfying ways to wind down and relax. Planned Parenthood explains the benefits of masturbation as improving your relationship with your body, improving your mental health through bringing yourself pleasure and a rush of endorphins, and that regular masturbation can reduce anxiety and stress. 

Solo sex is a healthy and valid expression of sexuality. 



The Importance of You Time

The best way to make time is to be direct. Let your family and friends, or anyone else in your life, know that you are busy between the times of X and Y. You do not have to specify what you need that time for—it’s your time. Then, you’re free to do whatever you want. 

Having boundaries is good, not just for you but for the other people in your life. It’s essential that you are able to have time to just be and not have to worry about others. When your schedule includes times to relax and refresh, you’ll be much better equipped emotionally for when you do have to be present with others. 

Spontaneity is great, but it’s not always accessible for everyone. If you live alone or with a roommate(s), it’s easier to be spontaneous. But if you live with your family, it might be easier to put some “me time” on your schedule. 

But if you have to be a little more sneaky, adding on time that’s already reserved for you might be a good time to get some self-love in. Times like your morning or evening routines are great for this type of thing. You’re already alone in the bathroom or bedroom. What’re a few more minutes? 



Positions for Solo Pleasure

The art of self-pleasure can be enhanced with a number of techniques. You’re not stuck with a single option when you’re with a partner, or riding solo, so feel free to get creative with positioning to find what feels best for you.

On your back is a classic for a reason. You can modify it by propping yourself up or by propping up your legs or hips. In this position, it’s easy to reach anything you might want access to. 

For some extra spice, you could try straddling your bed or another piece of furniture (think cowboy/girl style). This position engages your pelvic floor muscles and other groups, leading to a different but memorable experience. 

And of course, you can always take it a little further and get down on your hands/elbows into a sort of doggy-style position. 



Techniques to Try

Now that you’ve figured out some positions you’d like to try, it’s time to explore some techniques. Depending on the position you’re in, you should be able to easily caress yourself. Play with sensations. Try something simple like lightly trailing your fingers across your skin or pause to give yourself a squeeze. 

You’ve activated your tactile senses and imagination, but why not incorporate visual stimulation. Including a mirror of any size allows you to enjoy not only the physical pleasure of what you’re doing but also visual pleasure. Utilize the mirror with intention. Instead of just focusing on stimulation, allow yourself to indulge in the visuals. Entertain yourself. 

If you want to try a potent way to prolong and intensify your pleasure, try edging. It’s exactly what it sounds like: you bring yourself to the edge of orgasm, slow down, then do it again. It allows you to prolong your pleasure and build to a more intense orgasm. We’ve got a post here breaking down more tips, tricks, and tools if you'd like to learn more.  



Tools to Try

If you use nothing else, use lube. Lube is the easiest way to guarantee to increase your pleasure and your chance of orgasm. It is the unsung hero of pleasure. And although lube has the (very unfair) reputation of being boring, it’s an easy way to spice things up. Some lube comes with unique features, like providing warming or cooling or tingling sensations. For example, the K-Y Warming Liquid and the Skins Excite Tingling Lube can easily spice things up. 

The tools you were born with (your hands) are great for some self-exploration, but sometimes you want something with a little more oomph. For example, incorporating a sex toy can enhance the fun you’re already having. 

The Satisfyer Dual Pleasure Vibrator directly stimulates the clit while indirectly stimulating the g-spot. It’s ergonomic, making it easy to use for solo players, and comes with customizable vibration options so you can have exactly what you want. 

A vibrating c-ring can also add a whole host of new and exciting sensations to your session. We recommend something like the Renegade Explorer Ring that can be used by yourself or with a partner at another time. 




Take some “me time” this holiday season and start 2022 with a new habit of investing in you and your sexual health.


15 Jan

5 Common Things You Didn’t Know You Can Do On Your Period

For some including myself, that time of the month can be more than just a small nuisance. It can be a huge inconvenience, especially when you have something important to do where you would prefer that Aunt Flo not accompany you. And while the shame and stigma towards menstruation is diminishing quickly with the normalization of the female body, it may not necessarily help with getting rid of some of the reservations you may have about your own body or any negative attitudes you may have learned from others. In an effort to put an end to the negative connotations associated with Aunt Flo, here are five common things you didn’t know you can do on your period.

Have Sex

For some, sex is a huge no no when on your period, mainly because it can get quite messy. But mess is good! I mean, unless you’re doing a quickie, sex is usually messy, un-organized, and un-choreographed. Just lay down a towel and do your thing.

Masturbate

When I first started masturbating, I would be so annoyed that I couldn’t do it during my period out of fear that I would stain my sheets. It wasn’t until I saw a video on the benefits of masturbation, where I saw a tip about rubbing one out during your period and its effectiveness on reducing cramp pain that I decided to give it a try. So happy I did. Depending on how you like to masturbate, you can put down a towel, or wear a pad if you don’t want to take your panties off.

Go Swimming

Going for a dive during shark week isn’t very fun. But possible with the help of a tampon or menstrual cup. Swimmers and athletes do it all the time and it is completely normal and good for treating cramp pain in some cases. This tip can also be used when getting into a hot tub or Jacuzzi with your partner or a group of friends.

Get a Wax

The idea of getting waxed down there during that of the month can be daunting for many reasons. For one, some women can experience a lower tolerance to pain which can cause your wax to be more painful than normal. I just wanted to note however, that if you did want to get a wax while on your period and think that it would be weird or un-heard of do such things, I want to let you know that many spas and wax studios do wax clients during that time of the month. Policies vary from place to place so make sure you ask in advance before booking an appointment and make sure to bring a tampon or menstrual cup to wear during the service.

Wear Whatever You Want

Of course this goes without saying because you can always wear what you want. I do find that women tend to avoid wearing bright colored bottoms and dresses during that time of the month out of paranoia. If you are worried about staining your bottoms and dresses with blood, especially in public, simply wear a menstrual cup or a larger pad or panty liner. Works a like a charm in most instances.

Final Thoughts

While these things are very simple, it’s always good to have these things affirmed constantly so that the conversations around menstruation continue and we can put an end to the shame and stigma that comes from having your period. I would also encourage you to share this article with those in your life who have either just started menstruation or the men in your life who can use a lesson or two on periods.

 

If you like what you’ve read here, check out more of Tiffy Kinks writing at her sex blog Aquakink.com.

Twitter @Theaquakink

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